And now there are two

Theodore Declan Tan burst into the world via C-section on 22 Feb 2012, one day before the planned op. As with Gabrielle, his arrival was off-schedule, although he was a little earlier than expected (Gabe was 3 days late!). Nevertheless, we are now blessed with TWO little ones at home. I can't help but think back to the time before becoming 'pro-family' - I still remember being at home one weekend while Joerg was out at school for an event, and just happening to glance at our wedding picture, thinking that time seemed to have stopped after our wedding. There didn't seem to be any progress toward anything, except that we had had a wonderful experience in Brisbane pursuing our studies together. Well, now life has gotten even more interesting, with two in tow!

So, positive discipline. The idea is really being tested now that Gabrielle has a new sibling to adapt to. It's true, all the stuff that my mom and other parents-of-more-than-one-child say about the adjustment - be prepared for a whole lot of jealousy and acts of attention seeking. We tried out my cousin's tactic of buying a gift for Gabe and telling her it's from her baby brother. That seemed to work, for she was covering him with kisses - or maybe trying to suffocate him, it's hard to tell, heh. Anyway that was at the hospital. Back at home after 4 days, things were a little different. When I'm nursing the tiny one, she bursts through the door and comes up on the bed, thumb in mouth and looking for my ear for comfort (yes, ear. Don't ask me why. Other kids like pillow corners or stuffed toys. Ours just likes body parts). She also likes to use the nursing shawl to cover him, I don't know if she wants to keep him warm, of if she feels that will make him go away. These are just a couple of little things she's gotten into during the adjustment phase, but the one which is really trying us now, is the screaming. Not just short bouts of screams, but hair raising, eardrum shattering kinds of shrieks. Mostly when she wants/ doesn't want something, or when she's exuberantly happy/ extremely frustrated.

What's a parent to do? I haven't completely finished reading about Positive Discipline, but as this carried on, I tried to recall what the book said about how to handle screaming kids. Well it didn't say anything specifically about screaming kids, but the closest reference is probably to tantrums. Yes, we were having major tantrums on our hands. The hardest thing is still the recommendation to tell the child what TO do, instead of what NOT to do: what else can I encourage her to do besides screaming, if she's feeling frustrated/happy/etc? So I found myself reverting back to "No, Gabrielle!" or vague expressions like "Talk softly ok?" to which she will cheerfully say "Ok!"... and then continue with the undesired act.

So what does work? Come back to Step 1: Understand why the child is acting this way. Ok, Gabe's reacting because she feels that, suddenly, she cannot do the things which she wants to do, and she's abit too young to understand why she can't smother her little brother or why she shouldn't scream at the top of her lungs. Step 2: Be firm, yet gentle, and remain calm. So I gave her a hug and told her "I know it's difficult sweetie, you'll be fine... let's go get your books / watch some TV / etc...". The tears will still flow, but she does seem to calm down abit. I've also done what I've criticised my students for doing - googling for a quick answer to "How to stop your toddler from screaming". I know I know, googling is not the best way to find a good answer, but I was selective about the websites ok! Babycentre recommended strategies similar to the principles of positive discipline, which is distraction, and also involvement in the activity. Joerg and I have come to realise Gabe needs a lot more engagement other than being at home with care-givers. We aim to put her in Nursery next year when she turns three, but she needs some programmes right now up to then, to keep her engaged and away from misbehaving. (By the way, getting into childcare is another looong story, to which we do not know the ending yet. Blog about that in another post.)

Lastly, but definitely just as important, pray for the children! Admittedly, life just got busier and my quiet time has been edged out. We've also stopped (unintentionally) praying a bedtime prayer with her for quite a while. While Gabe and Theodore were still in my womb, I would thank God for them and commit them to Him because His plans are always better- after all, He knows it all before we do! With all the challenges that having children brings, all the more we do need to pray for wisdom from the wisest Parent of all. Actually, thinking about children's behaviour reminds me of how we ourselves are like in relation to God - we get upset when we don't get our way, we stubbornly refuse to do what is right, and we rationalise our misdeeds!

Right now, both kids are sleeping: the tiny one in his crib, and the big one in Mom's bed. Ah, bliss.