As I mentioned earlier, Gabrielle has extended her bedtime to adult sleeping times. In fact, she IS sleeping almost adult hours, 8 hours a night instead of the recommended 10 or 11. A daytime nap adds just 2-3 hours to that sleeping diet, and that's still a little under the recommended total sleep needed. But our little owl seems none the worse for wear-- we're not sure what's in her milk that gives her so much energy!
In trying to train her to go to bed, we've had to adjust the cues a bit. It used to be as easy as saying "Bedtime! Bring your books!", cuddling up in our bed and reading a few of her favourite books, before saying "Goodnight", a prayer, and off to sleep she goes, after some tossing and turning. Now we still have our books in bed, but when the light goes off, it's off to the living room to settle on the sofa. It usually takes about 10 to 15 minutes of tossing and turning before she naturally drops off and Daddaa scoops her up to Grandma's room for the night.
This is a relief, although bedtime still stretches past 10.30pm. Before we discovered this new 'method', she would be wandering around the apartment, from living room to kitchen, to grandma's room, and not know how to settle herself down for sleep, and this could go on all the way til midnight. "Positive discipline" (as well as some of those other parenting books) reminded me that she needs to have a routine and cues that signal it's time to go to sleep. You can see she's tired, but she can't find a way to settle herself down.
Not sure what's going to happen when we have to pack ourselves off to the hospital for delivery... we've been trying to mentally prepare her to stay with my parents once her little sibling comes out, but so far the reception hasn't been good. Think it will just have to happen and she may have to cry it out. That's just 5 weeks away!!
Friday 27 January 2012
Monday 23 January 2012
Train a child in the right way...
...and he will not depart from it (Proverbs 6:22). Joerg's favorite verse.
When we were expecting our firstborn, I was already wondering about whether I would be up to the task of "disciplining" my own children. To me, Joerg would have no problem because this was what he did every day, and he had internalized the need to impart what is right to the next generation. For me, I was brought up strictly under the rod and so agreed that punishment / discipline is necessary, at least in principle. Now that Gabrielle is realizing more and more that she can control her world through her actions, we've found ourselves in an increasing number of face-offs with her. But I've found myself struggling with being firm and following through with consequences, versus being kind and understanding why she's acting up. We had tried disciplining her by saying "No" very firmly and then smacking her little hands when she insisted on carrying on the disallowed behaviour, but Gabe didn't seem to be learning from these physical consequences. So after reading a friend's blog about her own challenges with her little girl who is just a few months older, I got interested in the idea of "positive discipline". The idea appealed to me because it suggested that you could render discipline without physical punishment and still be able to help the child do what is right.
So I logged on to acmamall.com and got ourselves a copy of "Positive Discipline: The first three years" (Jane Nelson et al, 2007) to see if I could get any ideas from there. (By the way, I told a friend about this source and he agreed that the price was cheaper than Amazon's.) Before this, we had already read the Babywise series (Ezzo), and the ideas in there made sense, i.e., establish a routine for baby's stability, be firm, etc, but somehow Gabe seemed to have reached some kind of developmental plateau with those principles. Lately I had also read "Effective parenting in a defective world" (Chip Ingram) but those didn't really offer specific strategies, mainly principles which (I thought) we already subscribed to.
The book came 2 weeks later, and I started turning the pages in earnest. It's highly readable, and I found myself through half the book in about 3 days. Nelson offers lots of principles, concrete examples, and specific strategies, some of which are similar to the ideas in Ezzo's and Ingram's books - namely, the need for routines and not to be permissive. The key themes are:
So that's where I am at the moment with this book... I've been trying consciously trying out strategies of distraction, as well as telling Gabrielle what TO do. Distraction works when I can find something equally appealing to her and it takes her mind off the other stuff; telling her what TO do is a little bit more effort because sometimes, I'm not sure what's the alternative!
Just a note though... I have said that I found this book very readable, partly because I subscribe to some of the thinking as well. I'm particularly in favour of "Be kind, yet firm" and that physical punishment isn't the ONLY way (at this point anyway). But what about someone else who doesn't quite share these views, especially the view on physical punishment? This might be a challenge. That said, I'm glad that this book has helped me so far to understand Gabe's world and to think about how I could use my own natural inclinations for her positive development. More adventures in positive discipline to come :)
When we were expecting our firstborn, I was already wondering about whether I would be up to the task of "disciplining" my own children. To me, Joerg would have no problem because this was what he did every day, and he had internalized the need to impart what is right to the next generation. For me, I was brought up strictly under the rod and so agreed that punishment / discipline is necessary, at least in principle. Now that Gabrielle is realizing more and more that she can control her world through her actions, we've found ourselves in an increasing number of face-offs with her. But I've found myself struggling with being firm and following through with consequences, versus being kind and understanding why she's acting up. We had tried disciplining her by saying "No" very firmly and then smacking her little hands when she insisted on carrying on the disallowed behaviour, but Gabe didn't seem to be learning from these physical consequences. So after reading a friend's blog about her own challenges with her little girl who is just a few months older, I got interested in the idea of "positive discipline". The idea appealed to me because it suggested that you could render discipline without physical punishment and still be able to help the child do what is right.
So I logged on to acmamall.com and got ourselves a copy of "Positive Discipline: The first three years" (Jane Nelson et al, 2007) to see if I could get any ideas from there. (By the way, I told a friend about this source and he agreed that the price was cheaper than Amazon's.) Before this, we had already read the Babywise series (Ezzo), and the ideas in there made sense, i.e., establish a routine for baby's stability, be firm, etc, but somehow Gabe seemed to have reached some kind of developmental plateau with those principles. Lately I had also read "Effective parenting in a defective world" (Chip Ingram) but those didn't really offer specific strategies, mainly principles which (I thought) we already subscribed to.
The book came 2 weeks later, and I started turning the pages in earnest. It's highly readable, and I found myself through half the book in about 3 days. Nelson offers lots of principles, concrete examples, and specific strategies, some of which are similar to the ideas in Ezzo's and Ingram's books - namely, the need for routines and not to be permissive. The key themes are:
- discipline is not punishment but training,
- be kind and firm at the same time, and
- work to help your child develop autonomy for self-esteem and confidence.
So that's where I am at the moment with this book... I've been trying consciously trying out strategies of distraction, as well as telling Gabrielle what TO do. Distraction works when I can find something equally appealing to her and it takes her mind off the other stuff; telling her what TO do is a little bit more effort because sometimes, I'm not sure what's the alternative!
Just a note though... I have said that I found this book very readable, partly because I subscribe to some of the thinking as well. I'm particularly in favour of "Be kind, yet firm" and that physical punishment isn't the ONLY way (at this point anyway). But what about someone else who doesn't quite share these views, especially the view on physical punishment? This might be a challenge. That said, I'm glad that this book has helped me so far to understand Gabe's world and to think about how I could use my own natural inclinations for her positive development. More adventures in positive discipline to come :)
Sunday 22 January 2012
Picking up where we left off...
[Lisa writes]
Haha, Joerg's last post was when I was carrying "our little LJ" at 8 weeks! Definitely time to pick up blogging again, now that Gabrielle is 2 years old, and I'm carrying Theodore at 33 weeks... with 39 days to go!
With these life changes, our blog focus is going to be a little different. Gabrielle hit her terrible twos just before she hit two (which is tomorrow), but to be fair, she had been an easy baby so far - with a growing vocabulary that never ceases to amaze us, a cheerful disposition, and so easy to put to bed with a simple routine! Then, when last Christmas rolled around, she decided to throw us a curve ball. Sleep was something to be avoided- night time sleep in particular, when Mama and Daddaa are all tired out or need a little more time to finish up some work, she decided that she should keep us company as well, and that WE should be in bed before she is! Our biggest challenge now, among other things: getting her to go to bed early and to sleep for at least 10 hours. I think this is something other parents in Singapore can empathise with; I find that over here, kids sleep later, while in the States or in Australia, kids go to bed at 8 or 8.30pm! Before this, Gabe was not exactly sleeping early, by 10.30pm after her last milk, and now it's been pushed back to as late as 1am (last night). Sigh.
Anyway, in this blog we hope to share our journey as parents, and also to record life's little (and big) challenges as we stumble along in bringing up our kids to be godly people. I'm inspired by another couple who are our friends and are sharing how their little girl is growing up, with all the joys and challenges as well! We hope this blog will be a blessing and encouragement to other parents too.
Haha, Joerg's last post was when I was carrying "our little LJ" at 8 weeks! Definitely time to pick up blogging again, now that Gabrielle is 2 years old, and I'm carrying Theodore at 33 weeks... with 39 days to go!
With these life changes, our blog focus is going to be a little different. Gabrielle hit her terrible twos just before she hit two (which is tomorrow), but to be fair, she had been an easy baby so far - with a growing vocabulary that never ceases to amaze us, a cheerful disposition, and so easy to put to bed with a simple routine! Then, when last Christmas rolled around, she decided to throw us a curve ball. Sleep was something to be avoided- night time sleep in particular, when Mama and Daddaa are all tired out or need a little more time to finish up some work, she decided that she should keep us company as well, and that WE should be in bed before she is! Our biggest challenge now, among other things: getting her to go to bed early and to sleep for at least 10 hours. I think this is something other parents in Singapore can empathise with; I find that over here, kids sleep later, while in the States or in Australia, kids go to bed at 8 or 8.30pm! Before this, Gabe was not exactly sleeping early, by 10.30pm after her last milk, and now it's been pushed back to as late as 1am (last night). Sigh.
Anyway, in this blog we hope to share our journey as parents, and also to record life's little (and big) challenges as we stumble along in bringing up our kids to be godly people. I'm inspired by another couple who are our friends and are sharing how their little girl is growing up, with all the joys and challenges as well! We hope this blog will be a blessing and encouragement to other parents too.
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