In search of a dream

Other than parenting books, I've been trying to nourish my reading diet beyond research articles that are required for work, or stuff from Facebook. Well Joerg has reminded me that good books are important- for inspiration and edifying the mind. Of course nothing compares with the Good Book, but there are other books which can play a part in soul-feeding too.

Sometime back, Joerg downloaded Chip Ingram's "Good to great in God's eyes" for his Kindle, and having enjoyed it so much, recently got hold of a few hard copies from Christian Book Distributor (http://www.christianbooks.com/). I started reading the hard copy (for me there's nothing like turning physical pages!) and was inspired too. I'm still halfway through it, but the thing which has gotten me excited is the exhortation to dream. And dream BIG. Honestly speaking I'm the kind who's typically bogged down by the day to day stuff and hence have no mental space for longer-range goals. Right now, it's work and Gabrielle that take up most of my physical and mental energy, and my passion for other stuff like music has just had to take a back seat.

Do you have any dreams for the future? After reading that chapter in "Good to great in God's eyes", I realised that my own dreams are puny, centred around a very small sphere of influence! For one, there's the usual Singapore dream of wanting our own private property with lots of space for our kids to grow up and play in- I have to confess I do feel somewhat envious of friends who have managed to secure their own and are very happy in their new homes! Well this is a personal dream which impacts mainly my own family, and not many other people.

So what other kind of dreams are there? Chip Ingram reminds us that God has a big purpose for our lives. God wants to do big things through us! How big? Parting-the-red-sea kind of big. Saving-the-world kind of big. So that's why I said my own dream was puny. Ingram suggests four areas to dream about: 1) ministry; 2) personal / career development; 3) family commitment, and 4) spiritual growth. Ultimately He wants to do great things through ordinary people like us. Well you couldn't find anyone more ordinary than me, that's for sure!

So I'm thinking about it. I don't have a dream or a big vision as yet, but I'm praying for one. One that is bigger than myself, that will impact the world around me and bring glory to Him, because it's a dream that I couldn't have achieved by my own power, but through His. Dream on...!

Sleep wars

As I mentioned earlier, Gabrielle has extended her bedtime to adult sleeping times. In fact, she IS sleeping almost adult hours, 8 hours a night instead of the recommended 10 or 11. A daytime nap adds just 2-3 hours to that sleeping diet, and that's still a little under the recommended total sleep needed. But our little owl seems none the worse for wear-- we're not sure what's in her milk that gives her so much energy!

In trying to train her to go to bed, we've had to adjust the cues a bit. It used to be as easy as saying "Bedtime! Bring your books!", cuddling up in our bed and reading a few of her favourite books, before saying "Goodnight", a prayer, and off to sleep she goes, after some tossing and turning. Now we still have our books in bed, but when the light goes off, it's off to the living room to settle on the sofa. It usually takes about 10 to 15 minutes of tossing and turning before she naturally drops off and Daddaa scoops her up to Grandma's room for the night.

This is a relief, although bedtime still stretches past 10.30pm. Before we discovered this new 'method', she would be wandering around the apartment, from living room to kitchen, to grandma's room, and not know how to settle herself down for sleep, and this could go on all the way til midnight. "Positive discipline" (as well as some of those other parenting books) reminded me that she needs to have a routine and cues that signal it's time to go to sleep. You can see she's tired, but she can't find a way to settle herself down.

Not sure what's going to happen when we have to pack ourselves off to the hospital for delivery... we've been trying to mentally prepare her to stay with my parents once her little sibling comes out, but so far the reception hasn't been good. Think it will just have to happen and she may have to cry it out. That's just 5 weeks away!!

Train a child in the right way...

...and he will not depart from it (Proverbs 6:22). Joerg's favorite verse.

When we were expecting our firstborn, I was already wondering about whether I would be up to the task of "disciplining" my own children. To me, Joerg would have no problem because this was what he did every day, and he had internalized the need to impart what is right to the next generation. For me, I was brought up strictly under the rod and so agreed that punishment / discipline is necessary, at least in principle. Now that Gabrielle is realizing more and more that she can control her world through her actions, we've found ourselves in an increasing number of face-offs with her. But I've found myself struggling with being firm and following through with consequences, versus being kind and understanding why she's acting up. We had tried disciplining her by saying "No" very firmly and then smacking her little hands when she insisted on carrying on the disallowed behaviour, but Gabe didn't seem to be learning from these physical consequences. So after reading a friend's blog about her own challenges with her little girl who is just a few months older, I got interested in the idea of "positive discipline". The idea appealed to me because it suggested that you could render discipline without physical punishment and still be able to help the child do what is right.

So I logged on to acmamall.com and got ourselves a copy of "Positive Discipline: The first three years" (Jane Nelson et al, 2007) to see if I could get any ideas from there. (By the way, I told a friend about this source and he agreed that the price was cheaper than Amazon's.) Before this, we had already read the Babywise series (Ezzo), and the ideas in there made sense, i.e., establish a routine for baby's stability, be firm, etc, but somehow Gabe seemed to have reached some kind of developmental plateau with those principles. Lately I had also read "Effective parenting in a defective world" (Chip Ingram) but those didn't really offer specific strategies, mainly principles which (I thought) we already subscribed to.

The book came 2 weeks later, and I started turning the pages in earnest. It's highly readable, and I found myself through half the book in about 3 days. Nelson offers lots of principles, concrete examples, and specific strategies, some of which are similar to the ideas in Ezzo's and Ingram's books - namely, the need for routines and not to be permissive. The key themes are:

• discipline is not punishment but training,
• be kind and firm at the same time, and
• work to help your child develop autonomy for self-esteem and confidence.

What I found really helpful was the understanding of the developmental milestones of toddlers Gabrielle's age, that at this stage they are exploring their new world, striving for autonomy and independence, and thus need to learn many skills to be able to do things on their own. When they are not able to explore, or not able to accomplish stuff independently, this is when tantrums and defiance/rebelliousness result. In disciplining (ie training), toddlers need less to be told "Don't do that", and more of what TO do. This was a good reminder, even though Joerg and I do know this as we work with youths. Didn't know that it applied to young children too!

So that's where I am at the moment with this book... I've been trying consciously trying out strategies of distraction, as well as telling Gabrielle what TO do. Distraction works when I can find something equally appealing to her and it takes her mind off the other stuff; telling her what TO do is a little bit more effort because sometimes, I'm not sure what's the alternative!

Just a note though... I have said that I found this book very readable, partly because I subscribe to some of the thinking as well. I'm particularly in favour of "Be kind, yet firm" and that physical punishment isn't the ONLY way (at this point anyway). But what about someone else who doesn't quite share these views, especially the view on physical punishment? This might be a challenge. That said, I'm glad that this book has helped me so far to understand Gabe's world and to think about how I could use my own natural inclinations for her positive development. More adventures in positive discipline to come :)

Picking up where we left off...

[Lisa writes]

Haha, Joerg's last post was when I was carrying "our little LJ" at 8 weeks! Definitely time to pick up blogging again, now that Gabrielle is 2 years old, and I'm carrying Theodore at 33 weeks... with 39 days to go!

With these life changes, our blog focus is going to be a little different. Gabrielle hit her terrible twos just before she hit two (which is tomorrow), but to be fair, she had been an easy baby so far - with a growing vocabulary that never ceases to amaze us, a cheerful disposition, and so easy to put to bed with a simple routine! Then, when last Christmas rolled around, she decided to throw us a curve ball. Sleep was something to be avoided- night time sleep in particular, when Mama and Daddaa are all tired out or need a little more time to finish up some work, she decided that she should keep us company as well, and that WE should be in bed before she is! Our biggest challenge now, among other things: getting her to go to bed early and to sleep for at least 10 hours. I think this is something other parents in Singapore can empathise with; I find that over here, kids sleep later, while in the States or in Australia, kids go to bed at 8 or 8.30pm! Before this, Gabe was not exactly sleeping early, by 10.30pm after her last milk, and now it's been pushed back to as late as 1am (last night). Sigh.

Anyway, in this blog we hope to share our journey as parents, and also to record life's little (and big) challenges as we stumble along in bringing up our kids to be godly people. I'm inspired by another couple who are our friends and are sharing how their little girl is growing up, with all the joys and challenges as well! We hope this blog will be a blessing and encouragement to other parents too.

Mi alma te canta

[joerg writes]

I've been 'away' for a while, back to share my thoughts.
Recently we been listening United, Casting Crowns, Karhryn Scott, and of course Delirious?

I was really touched by Delirious's My Soul Sings (Mi alma te canta), beautiful song- perhaps a cry from my heart from the dissatisfaction in life. Dissatisfaction at work with the lop-sided orientation towards academic excellence (people don't understand the cries of the teens do they?) and 'lifeless' colleagues getting endless job done. Well, the thesis been in a dusty shelf for a while- perhaps due to a self-gratifying excuse of a bad relationship/communication with my supervisor.

Well last Sunday's message was good, a reminder not to judge people and be very very forgiving (coz like our heavenly papa, God by His grace forgives you today, tommorrow and until the end of days, and He said in Romans 8:1, There is therefore now no condemnation to them (us) which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.) For me the deeper message is still living in His Spirit, through Him that I (& all of us) become stronger to face many of the challenges in life.


With a little LJ arriving in 32 weeks, I've been pensive of doing a little more as a husband :) God is preparing us a gift,well I have to pick up the pace in many of my current missions so that in time to come I can be a responsible papa.

Cmo te Amo

Movies@home

[Lisa writes]

I'm in between academic years at the moment, and enjoying the non-school work days. Outside of work-hours, I thought I'd take the time to work on my "other lives" and it's been good.

One of the things I've been catching up on is movies. We are somewhat movie-buffs, but would rather avoid the cinema crowd, preferring instead to watch dvds or vcds in the comfort of our own home. Joerg especially likes that he can make his favourite shot for both of us using his prized Rancilio from Brisbane! Well where do we get the movies from? We frequent the Video-ezy at King Albert Park most often... not to borrow movies, but for the stock of ex-rental sales there. We can usually find bargains at between $4.95 to $8.95 (vcds) but the challenge is to find a GOOD movie! I reckon part of the problem is that we've collected so many of them, that we're running out of options! Sometimes we can spend a good half-hour there trying to dig out something good, and unfortunately there are times when we leave empty-handed. Other times, we leave with 3 or 4 pretty good shows. And they're ours for the keeping!

There are a couple of nice ones which we watched recently which definitely are worth re-watching. One of them is Facing the Giants, an independent (non-Hollywood) flick about a coach who is struggling to bring up his football team to victory. In the process, he re-discovers God's power and work in his life, and eventually brings the team together again to greater heights. Although somewhat predictable, it was very real; we were still drawn in to the struggles faced by the coach, and encouraged by the faith-journey he experienced. It was particularly meaningful for Joerg as he's the soccer teacher-in-charge in his school. Really inspiring, and funny at times too. I think we'll be picking this up to watch every now and again. Here's a clip from the movie...

Actually, while I like inspirational movies, I do also really go for mindless violence, action, and psychological thrillers as well - yeah give me stuff like Kiss of the Dragon, The Mummy, Flightplan, Terminator 1, 2, 3, ... . However I'm starting to realise that there's only so much violence I can take. For example, I coudn't bear to watch all of Saw and Untraceable... all that torture - physical and psychological - just had me cringing and hiding behind pillows! Recently we also bought this movie called The Strangers which stars Liv Tyler... the hide-and-seek which the bad guys played with the victims seemed never-ending, and the part which I hate most, is that they (the bad guys) got away with it! I need a movie with an ending where at least some justice is done. So shows like P2, although with some torture and violence in it, at least was more bearable because the bad guy got his just desserts.

As of last week, we couldn't find anything at Video-ezy... looks like we'll have to survive on cable for a while, sigh!

New beginnings... a late report

[Lisa writes]

Well this is, to put it mildly, abit late. We returned to sunny Singapore last September, and the blog seemed to die a natural death as we headed into the next stage of our lives...

But I've been feeling a call to 'revive' it over the last few months, just never got round to it! What encouraged me to put my fingers to the keyboard was seeing the few visitors who stopped by to leave messages in our cbox, thanks folks! :)

Actually there is much to write about... where to begin?? If I put everything here, I'll be up til the next morning, at least! But I worry that if I spread out everything, I may forget what I wanted to share, and/or be too lazy to pick up where I left off! I reckon I'll do it in bits, at least to keep the suspense going, heh.

The few months after we came back were rather uneventful, just diving back into work and acclimatising to the weather. Have cut my hair 3 times so far, haha! Once I got started it just became, well let's see how short we can go! :P Funny but I don't miss the long hair at all, even though I've had it for the last 6 years.

I guess the most interesting thing that happened to us happened when we were at an early Christmas gathering with our old church friends last December. We got round to sharing about our faith-journey, and one of our friends mentioned the book "Destined to Reign" by Joseph Prince. Sounded like an intriguing read, and since Joerg and I both love to collect books (note, collecting books is one thing, getting round to reading them is another!), so the next chance we got, we picked it up at Trumpet Praise in Plaza Sing. By coincidence, my mum also passed us a set of CDs from his Grace and Favour seminar.

We spent the next couple of months reading, listening, analysing the messages we were hearing and reading. At first, we couldn't quite figure out what to make of it. Was this a new message? Is this a different gospel? How come we haven't heard it preached this way? Well after some long discussions with each other over dinner and bus/mrt journeys home, we realised that it's not a new gospel, or a different gospel, but it's back to what the message of the good news is essentially about. Somewhere along the way, our faith had turned into a matter of routine, without fully realising the love God has for us, and how Jesus made the difference between religion and a real relationship with God. It was liberating particularly for me, because I had believed - tacitly I think - that the blessings which people received from God were in proportion to the level of their involvement in God's work. Hence, if I was not experiencing so much of His blessings whether material, spiritual, or otherwise, then it's probably because I'm not serving God alot. Likewise, if someone else was experiencing God's blessings, then it's because they were being rewarded for their work! I seriously had believed that for awhile, based on what I was seeing in my church friends. But Prince turns that idea on its head, and reminds us that God desires to bless us anyway, and importantly, all He seeks out of us is to have faith in Him. As we believe, we are blessed! Simple as that. That's why we say it is His amazing grace- favour that is undeserved, that is not given because of our works for God, but just because we call Him Lord, and trust Him totally with our lives.

I won't say that this book changed our lives... I reckon only one Book really does. But it caused a paradigm shift in both me and Joerg - one of a few shifts that we've experienced so far this year! I confess I still struggle with some things, but I am more peaceful now knowing that God's blessing is not dependent on what I do/ don't do for Him, but just on believing on Him. It does indeed increase our love and passion to live for Him :) It really is good news!

Ok over the next few entries I'll share some of the other books that have helped us in our faith-journey this side of heaven, as well as the other paradigm-shift that's happened this year.

God bless you in your own journey!